corafortsupport.org

If you have been trying to reach my Dad in Tacoma, he has a new phone number. He also has his very own email address and he hasn’t received one email yet. I can assure you that he won’t be able to keep up with my Mom when it comes to email forwards, but, I am sure he will be very happy to receive your emails.

Tacoma home phone (253) 507-4778
Dad’s cell phone (253) 241-2830
Dad’s email address: fort39@comcast.net
We are still checking Mom’s email address as much as possible. Mom’s email address is lcsg2006@yahoo.com.

Dad’s home address: 6913 Bridgland Lane, Tacoma, WA 98407.

We are all really looking forward to a visit from Dad on July 4th. He is even staying for my birthday which is really nice because it will be my first birthday without Mom.

Thanks for continuing to check this website for updates.

Christine

Well, like Christine says in the post below…life does go on whether we like it to or not. This weekend was a very busy weeken for my company. 9 events, 4 of them weddings. So I had to put grief aside and get back to work. At the same time, I was also worried about dad being alone, so I checked up on him often by phone. He called Melissa (my girlfriend) on Saturday, and he sounded lonely, so Melissa drove down to tacoma and kept him company.

On Friday night, he went to Friday Circle, and got a flat tire on the way, and Triple A said it would take a long time to respond, so he changed it himself, and then on the way home, he had his emergency blinkers on and he got pulled over… poor dad.

So anyways, please feel free to call dad and set up times to meet up with him. He doesn’t tell us, but Iknow that big house must get lonely. I know I would have a hard time being alone, because all I would be able to think about is missing mom. I try and remember that she asked us to be happy for her because she is in heaven, but it is difficult when my mind isn’t busy.

Thanks for all of your support, and thanks for still reading this.

Love, michael

Yes, life certainly goes on. I learned that just a few days ago when I went back to work 2 days after Mom’s funeral. It was so odd. The last 3 weeks were just hell for all of us, and yet, I get back to work and nothing has changed. Still demanding, still challenging, still too much to do and I see that life is going on all around me—- so, that means that I have no choice other than to join in. But, things are so different now. Mom is no longer alive. I just can’t believe it, but I know it’s true because I was there when she took her last breath, when she was taken out of the house by the funeral director, when she was cremated- I was there, and yet, it is so hard to believe that she is no longer here.

I have friends who have lost their parents. I talked to them a lot before Mom died. I wanted to know what it was like, what was I going to face after she died. I couldn’t imagine it, I didn’t want to imagine it. “What would Christmas feel like without her?” I wondered. How can I face the fact that my young children, so attached to their Mata, that they would never see my Mom again, never have her attend a Christmas concert, piano recital, graduation, school play. I’m one of those people now—someone who has lost a parent. I know this happens to everyone all the time so I don’t know why it is so hard to believe that it has happened to me.

Aidan was so attached to her- and now he sleeps with her picture at night and he wears the hat that she used to wear to bed. Last night he asked me, “When will Mata be alive again?” I said, “Aidan, Mata won’t be alive again. Why did you think she would be?” His reply “Because she’s our Grandma.” It was so hard to explain to Aidan that Mata isn’t coming back, ever. How do I explain to my 5 yr old that he will never be able to sleep with her, hug her, kiss her, talk to her on the phone, have her read a story to him.

I don’t grieve for me, I grieve for my children. I had 34 years with my Mom- they got less than 10- they were short-changed. I know that Nina is old enough to remember her but I hope that Aidan is too. I guess I have to accept that today’s memory of my Mom which is so fresh and clear will definitely fade over time. I’m sure when they are full grown adults the memory of my Mom won’t be as strong as it is today.

Aidan said that when Mata came to visit for his birthday in November, she told him that she would be his angel. She told him that she would protect him from bad things and that she would ask God for good things to happen to him. I’m amazed that he can remember this conversation from 7 months ago.

I’m sure this will happen a lot over the next year— the smallest things can bring me to tears. On the way home from the airport, my Dad called me from my Mom’s cell phone. Her special ringtone on my phone is “I’m on the Top of the World looking down on Creation” and her picture popped up on my phone. I always knew it was her calling when I heard that song and it took me off guard when my Dad used it to call me. I had to change the ringtone. At the gym today the cool down song was “It’s something unpredictable but in the end it’s right. I hope you’ve had the time of your life” by Greenday and I started bawling. The music was up so loud no one noticed and I used my sweat towel to wipe my tears away.

And so life goes on. It has gone on for the kids and Paul, and so it has to go on for me. I have no choice. Even though my mind is still saturated with the tragic events of the last few weeks, I still need to pack lunch for school the next day, the kids still want to have play dates on the weekend, they still want to show me their art work and tell me about the events of their day, there is still homework to do, Girl Scouts to attend and field trips to chaperone. Even though it takes everything inside me to give them my attention and not to think about my own sorrow and grief, life is going on and on and it isn’t going to stop long enough for me to get over this. And, I guess I’m learning that no one ever “gets over” the loss of a parent, especially when it’s your Mom. So, I will learn to live through it and live with it. Life goes on…

Tonight dad and I went to have dinner with relatives again. It was nice to have something to keep our minds off of missing mom. Thi sweekend, I am going back to work and won’t be able to be around dad very much, so if anyone has spare time, maybe you could invite dad to go do something. I am going to be busy from Thursday through Sunday evening. Thanks in advance:-)

Love, Michael

Well, the funeral was yesterday and the memorial the night before that on Sunday.

Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who helped make them both beautiful tributes to mom. They were exactly as she asked us to make them. Thank you also to everyone who came to pay their respects, and who took the time to share their memories of mom with us. We did feel the love and support and it really helped.

Christine and family left today, so it is just dad and I now. The house feels so big and empty.

Auntie Jeannie and Uncle Benny invited us down to the lake, so dad and I went. I came back home to catch up on work and dad stayed the night.

Since a lot of people who wanted to come but were unable to, I have had requests to post the Eulogy I gave as well as the ones from the memorial that I am able to get my hands on.

I will continue to update this site at least once a week [since it is also about Fort support:-)]to let you know how dad and the rest of our family’s healing process progresses.

For now, I will get some rest and think about mom.

I am really going to miss her.

The toughest time for me is at night. When I lay in bed and there is nothing to keep me busy and reality sinks in. The toughest time for dad, I thinkis when he is alone, or when he sees photos of mom during the last month and especially the last couple of weeks. he is doing his best to “be strong” but I worry about him.

Alot of people have called to see what they can do. I think after the funeral, when Christine goes back to California, it would be great if people could call up dad and make appointments to have coffee, or lunch or dinner, take a walk, or just hang out. I know it is going to be much tougher when the funeral is over, and the grieving continues for us all, but most especially dad.

Thanks for the prayers and support as always.

Love, Michael and family

I apologize for not posting as frequently these past two days. It has been a whirlwind of funeral and memorial planning. Luckily Christine is so organized and has taken this on and is keeping everything on track. We have met with the funeral home, the priest, florist, and have been working on the slidehsow ourselves. In between we have been blessed by visits, and food from the Cesar and Benny Gatbunton families, as well as Jocelyn Devita. Dad has visited with grandma and attended nightly prayers there. Our neighbor Dean has helped donate his landscaper. We have been humbled by the kind emails from friends, family, and strangers, all who have been touched by mom in some profound way during her life here on earth.

I wanted to just take this moment to say, “Thank you!” on behalf of our family, and let you know that we are busy planning, but also working through the grieving process as well. We are doing “ok”.

More to come!

Love, Michael and family

The address is

30525 8th Avenue South
Federal Way, WA 98003
253-839-2320
http://www.stvincentparish.org

Coming from Tacoma or Olympia (from the South)

7. Merge onto I-5 N
8. Take exit 143 for S 320th St toward Federal Way 0.3 mi
9. Turn left at S 320th St 0.8 mi
10. Turn right at Pacific Hwy S 0.5 mi
11. Turn left at S 312th St 0.5 mi
12. Turn right at 8th Ave S 0.4 mi

Coming from Seattle (from the North)

5. Merge onto I-5 S
6. Take exit 143 for S 320th St toward Federal Way 0.3 mi
7. Turn right at S 320th St 0.6 mi
8. Turn right at Pacific Hwy S 0.5 mi
9. Turn left at S 312th St 0.5 mi
10. Turn right at 8th Ave S

Dad and I flew back today. Ernie and Helen brought us to the airport. They are friends of mom and dads who have been such a great support to them in Arizona. It has been nice to know that there were people in Arizona who love mom and dad as we do. Maraming salamat po!

I was excited to be coming home, yet worried about what it would be like. Every step of the way, we kept thinking about mom. It was so different traveling without mom.

Dad kept saying, “This is the first time that I have flown without mom.”

I swung by my house before heading to Tacoma, and was surprised by a gift from my roommate Ian, his girlfriend Joy, and my girlfriend Melissa. Together they cleaned up the whole yard as well as inside of the house… what a special gift. Thanks guys… you are truly a blessing! (Dad told me later that Priscilla and Tony, Uncle Cesar and Uncle Benny, as well as their neighbor Dean had all taken turns working on the landscaping in dads yard too:-) )

When we got back to the house in Tacoma, I went downstairs. When we met as a family with mom regarding things for after she passed away, such as finances, funeral etc. Paul and Christine agreed to handle all the business type stuff.

In Arizona, we were all kind of worried because we looked at the paperwork that was with mom, and Paul seemed concerned that there wasn’t enough information there, Christine was worried that she might miss payments and that she would have to wait for a months cycle to see what bills were due.

I went down into the office when we got back, and under the desk was a laundry hamper full of notebooks. Each one carefully labeled… credit, bills, investments, real estate, insurance, pictures. Inside each notebook were tabs… and each notebook was current. Again I was reduced to tears wondering when mom had time to do all of this… and then realizing that she was doing this, WHILE she was sick, and receiving treatment. All those nights when I would call and find out she had been up all night… she was making sure that things would be easy for us when she was gone.

She even had a section in one notebook on planning a funeral. I went down to the basement and sitting on the coffee table were two photo album/scrapbooks that she had put together of her life and our family over the years.

I just wish I could thank her.

I think she knew she might not be returning to Tacoma, but even facing the end of her life… she put others first.

Our cousins from the Cesar Gatbunton family (including uncle Cesar and Tita Martha) came over to welcome us home, bringing groceries and a home cooked dinner. It was nice to be with family after being alone down in Arizona for a couple days.

We all cried at times today. Grief is interesting. I haven’t even come close to figuring it out yet. It all seems so surreal at times, and then when reality hits is when the tears come, so you do whatever you can to distract yourself, and you do that by keeping busy, pretending things are “normal”… but still the grief breaks thru and the tears come.

Thank you for the prayers, we are so humbled and blessed.

Love, Michael

It was so quiet last night. I sat and reflected on how much has happened in just a couple of days, much less a few weeks. Dad and I watched a movie, and he fell asleep. He is doing ok for now. He has been trying to call people and let them know about mom. I am surprised that after three straight days of calling, that he there are still people to call.

Many times I find dad comforting people who have just found out.

Today we spent most of the day preparing the house for us to leave. I also finished moms obituary and went through some of her things so dad wouldn’t have to. It is a sad process at times, but it needs to be done.

At Mass, the choir sang te song that mom most enjoyed singing while she was in the choir, “Pan de Vida”. They also sang the song, “I am the bread of life”, which I had to stop singing since I was about to burst into tears. (that’s the song that goes , “and He will raise you up on the last day.”)

I am excited to get back to Seattle where we have a bigger support group, and also to be reunited with Christine and family.

Thanks for all of the phone calls, text messages, prayers, and love you are sending our way.. .we feel it!!!

Love, Michael