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A good day overall. Moms coughing seemed to lessen today. Her breathing is slower and more labored. The hospice social worker and nurse told us that when it gets near the end, it will sound bad to us, but that mom won’t be feeling it. (How do they know that?) They gave us some special meds that will help aleviate the gurgling sounds that her lungs will make. They said it is more for the caregivers than the patient

I feel like I am in a movie most of the time. We gete text messages or watch old videos or read emails to mom, and each time we usually tell her a memory, like “You remember Bobby right mom… Bobby bobito loco loco lito” and it usually makes her smile (inside cousin story).

As I sit here next to her, I find myself looking over frequently thinking she has stopped breathing. I think I need to stop that, it stresses me out.

Do any of you who read this ever think about when the last time you saw mom was? I think about the last time I was able to talk to mom and hear her talk back to me. My only regret is that I did not take the time to video tape her more about her family background, and also just video tape her telling me she loves me.

I bet there are many people that didn’t realize that the last time they saw mom, would most likely, if things continue as they are, would be their last time seeing mom.

I guess the reason I say this, is, since moms illness lasted so long, it took me awhile, but over the past four weeks, i forced myself to say things to mom, that for whatever reason, I had a hard time saying before she was so sick. I know mom knows I love her. We say that all the time. But I needed to tell my mom all of the qualities that I really admire in her. How I felt she had impacted my life. One night when we were lying there on the bed, she asked me what characteristics she had passed on to me. I was able to have open and honest talks with mom while just holding her, and comforting her, as she had with me when I was a child.

I write this only because, as we hear so many times… you never know when it will be the last time you see your loved ones. Please, please, please… in honor of mom suffering. Take time right after you read this, to make peace with family or loved ones that you may be holding a grudge against, or upset with, or even not talking to. Take time to tell the ones you love, something you admire about them, or how they have impacted your life. Take time away from the TV, Cell Phone, Computer, Sports, and all the other things that take us away relating to each other, and just hold each other and tell each other why you love each other. No matter how long life is… it always seems too short when you are the one left behind.

Thanks again for the prayers and support!

Love, Michael Christine Paul Fortunato Aidan and Nina