corafortsupport.org

Mom woke up around 10:30pm and we brought her out to the living room. She had a happy look on her face, Aidan and Nina both took turns sitting on her lap. She didn’t last long, so then we brought her back to bed. This is when the coughing started again.

This is tough on all of us. Mom coughs so hard repeatedly trying to cough up the mucous in her chest. Part of this may actually be the tumors though, and so she coughs over and over without being able to cough anything up. This is also very tiuring to her.

She has lost so much weight that her tailbone is very painful on the bed.

It is so hard to watch her cough and then winc in pain on the bed.

I fell asleep around 2am. At 4am I awoke to mom coughing very very loud. I rushed to the room and Christine was already there with a friend of the family helping her. This went on for awhile an hour plus… I don’t know, I lost track of time. Mom coughing almost falling asleep and then coughing again.

She must be so frustrated that she can’t talk to us and tell us what she needs or wants. We keep guessing, and after awhile, you can see in her eyes how sad it makes her not to be able to communicate with us and that we can’t understand so she just shakes her head as if to say never mind.

I hate to admit this, but I came to the realization last night that I don’t know if I can do this. I had a raging headache and just needed to lie down last night when she was coughing between 3am and 4:30am. I couldn’t even be as present to her as I wanted, and finally I told Christine I had to lie down and come et me if she needed me. I fell asleep to mom coughing louder than I had ever heard before, but I just couldn’t keep stay awake.

I am scared that our two friends who have been helping us, a hospice social worker and a doctor are both leaving.

It will soon just be Dad Christine Melissa (my gf) and myself.

We are going to call hospice today to see about a night nurse. Yet I feel guilty becauase, when we were kids, mom woke up and lost sleep in order to take care of us, and now here she needs me, and I can’t seem to find the energy.

Melissa woke me up at 9:30am… I was groggy and out of it. Mom’s blood sugar was over 400, so we needed to go get her insulin. I am tired. So tired.

I am sure everyone is. Christine is doing such a great job! I think she is used to functioning on less sleep from having two kids.

Before I left for the store I went to say good morning to mom and she didn’t recognize me. I hope that was just morning grogginess.

More to come. Thanks for the prayers.

Love, Michael